Although divorce has been stigmatized throughout time, it should be regarded as a tool and, correctly approach, not cause extreme trauma.  in some marriages, when all attempts to reconcile have failed, it is a exactly what is needed. Rather than maintaining a forced and stressful relationship, and having your distress and unhappiness affect your children, both you and your spouse can give each other the chance to be free and regain the happiness you have lost because of the relationship. However, divorces can easily turn into ugly affairs, and as a man with children, you must ensure you have your priorities straight. You might not have a good relationship anymore with your soon to be former spouse, but this shouldn’t have a negative impact on your relationship with your kids.  There are a number of things you will want to keep in mind while going through the divorce process, and these will determine your financial future as well.

Consider these five things that will set you up on the right path:

  1. Neither you nor your wife are victims. The better the communication, the better the outcome. Although you deserve a fair share of the community property, you will need to start thinking about what you are willing to give up in order to negotiate the final deal. This is especially true if she gave up her career to raise your children. Try to look at things from the outside and value what she did for your family. Neither of you should be in a victim’s position. A divorce should be a fair agreement.
  2. Be realistic about the need for legal representation. Ignorance is not bliss! Doing a divorce yourself or using an online form preparation service or lawyer will not get you the best result.   If you want to have a good lawyer who will be in your corner to negotiate  the best deal that you can get, it will cost you for those services.  But, it will be worth it!   It pays to understand that an online advertised legal form preparation service or firm who will only treat you like a number.  An experienced lawyer will make all the difference.
  3. Don’t forget your children and your image as a father. You want to make sure you come off as a good, caring and responsible father.  If you get emotional, show extreme anger, become too demanding, show disrespect to your spouse, you will not get what you want in the divorce.  An important element is the need to hire a good team to represent you.  You attorney and his staff will make sure you are presented to the court , your spouse and her attorney is the best light possible.  Otherwise, you might come off as uninterested in your children, even if you don’t mean it that way.   Make sure you present your best image possible because this will have an impact in the final outcome regarding your children.
  4. Have a clear idea about what led to your divorce. No need to accuse or complain about your spouse. Try to stick to the facts and not get too emotional about it. The more direct you are, the better.
  5. Be honest. You will need to be absolutely honest with your lawyer, explaining anything that is worrying you such as time you’ll have to take off work, child support costs, your current budget, etc. If you are honest from the beginning, you can work something out.  Write out your goals and discuss them frankly.

Remember your lawyer should always be looking out for your best interests. Garry J. Bowman is an attorney with over 40 years of experience in Family Law. With his effective and affordable services, you will be able to find a trustworthy ally who will help you get through the grueling process. Get the legal advice you need and the backup that will help you get the best deal out of your divorce. With your best interests at heart, he will provide assistance throughout the entire process while remaining honest with you about what is achievable and how you will manage to get it. You can find more information about him on his website ( and you can contact him directly at (619) 426-7550 to find out more about procedure, fees or any other questions you might have.